Teflon® (n)
The non-stick product that everybody loves. Teflon® is made up of tiny little particles of the world’s slipperiest items including jelly, banana peels, oil, water and sandpaper. Historians have traced the invention of Teflon® back to cavemen, who were sick of not being able to separate their omelettes from their frypans (and consequently ended up eating the frypans). This caused declining numbers among the cavemen until a young cave boy named Richie Benaud invented the banana peel and history was made. Jessica Simpson apparently rolled around in a vat of Teflon® in preparation for her clip “These Boots are Made for Walking” to ensure she would not stick to the car’s bonnet. Controversy surrounded the birth of Crown Prince Frederik and Princess Mary’s baby boy, after George W. Bush gave him the gift of a Teflon® bed. Reportedly he was concerned the baby would turn into a fish. Following the lead from Teflon®, Sam is pleased to announce that from this day, he has officially registered turnip chips as his own, and from now on will be known as Turnip Chips®.
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
Thursday, October 20, 2005
Sam's Word of the Week - Monday 17th October, 2005
Handbag (n)
The bag in which to place one’s hands. This has forever been an accessory for a woman on a big night out, or just for a leisurely stroll around an ice capped mountain. Boris Glizter invented the handbag in 1749 as he was stumbling around the dark of his basement reaching around for a light switch. Unfortunately; he found a guillotine, his hand fell into a bag, and the term handbag was coined. Cannibals worldwide use handbags everyday for quick disposal, especially seeing the hands are the least meaty, and therefore most unwanted part of the body. Women worldwide use handbags for carrying items such as steak knives, rams and steering locks. In a recent poll Who Weekly readers have rated the new term “manbag” as ‘just plain unfunny’. Students across CSU have been lodging formal complaints after mysterious crumbs of turnip chips have been discovered in their handbags. Accusations have pointed the finger at stay at home dad Mark Latham, who in his diaries slagged off about his hate for turnip chips.
The bag in which to place one’s hands. This has forever been an accessory for a woman on a big night out, or just for a leisurely stroll around an ice capped mountain. Boris Glizter invented the handbag in 1749 as he was stumbling around the dark of his basement reaching around for a light switch. Unfortunately; he found a guillotine, his hand fell into a bag, and the term handbag was coined. Cannibals worldwide use handbags everyday for quick disposal, especially seeing the hands are the least meaty, and therefore most unwanted part of the body. Women worldwide use handbags for carrying items such as steak knives, rams and steering locks. In a recent poll Who Weekly readers have rated the new term “manbag” as ‘just plain unfunny’. Students across CSU have been lodging formal complaints after mysterious crumbs of turnip chips have been discovered in their handbags. Accusations have pointed the finger at stay at home dad Mark Latham, who in his diaries slagged off about his hate for turnip chips.
Thursday, October 06, 2005
Sam's Word of the Week - Monday 3rd October, 2005
Hydroxyethylcellulose (n)
One of the listed ingredients of conditioner. Normally noticed in the shower while conditioning the hair, this word is impossible to pronounce, and leaves such humans as Sam confused as to why conditioner should sound so complicated. Obviously this element of conditioner is vital to the health of hair – as are other ingredients alcohol, fragrance, water and sulphuric acid. A recent readers poll in New Idea surprisingly revealed that hydroxyethylcellulose is the new black. The grand final of the last series of Australia’s Brainiest Kid saw a tiebreaker question to spell this word. Needless to say, neither kid was able to spell correctly and both were disposed of. To try and boost sales of All Bran, Derryn Hinch brought it upon himself to make random house visits and question toilet users about whether they thought All Bran should include hydroxyethylcellulose. They told him to go and eat a cactus. The recent explosion of a turnip chip factory in Mexico has sparked outrage amongst nearby residents, who claim the scattered crumbs from the blast may well cause the spread of lethal nuclear hydroxyethylcellulose among their sheep.
One of the listed ingredients of conditioner. Normally noticed in the shower while conditioning the hair, this word is impossible to pronounce, and leaves such humans as Sam confused as to why conditioner should sound so complicated. Obviously this element of conditioner is vital to the health of hair – as are other ingredients alcohol, fragrance, water and sulphuric acid. A recent readers poll in New Idea surprisingly revealed that hydroxyethylcellulose is the new black. The grand final of the last series of Australia’s Brainiest Kid saw a tiebreaker question to spell this word. Needless to say, neither kid was able to spell correctly and both were disposed of. To try and boost sales of All Bran, Derryn Hinch brought it upon himself to make random house visits and question toilet users about whether they thought All Bran should include hydroxyethylcellulose. They told him to go and eat a cactus. The recent explosion of a turnip chip factory in Mexico has sparked outrage amongst nearby residents, who claim the scattered crumbs from the blast may well cause the spread of lethal nuclear hydroxyethylcellulose among their sheep.
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