Thursday, November 10, 2005

Sam's Word of the Year

Meetcrol (n, v, adj.)

The state of mind in which one reminisces. Coincidentally, being Sam’s final Word, Meetcrol causes one to look back with warm fuzzies into the year of Sam’s Word of the Week. Having mentioned almost every celebrity making the news across the past year, only four complaints of defamation were lodged. Surprisingly, over the twenty-five words, there was never one reference to Michael Jackson. RSPCA activists were outraged when “Walrus” and “Fox” were used as words, especially when rumours circulated of a staged duel between the two beasts (and for the record, the walrus won). “Frock” caused a phenomena throughout the campus to re-wear moulding clothes from the nineties, and “Squelch” sparked a duck massacre. The year’s biggest outrage resulted from the accusation made mid-year that Bob Carr had retired to sell vegetable pasties. This sparked rioting amongst ravenous vegetarians. In August 2005, Rivcoll announced that it did not endorse the consumption of the world’s most dangerous food – Turnip Chips® after the chip claimed nineteen fatalities. Despite attention from this column, the definition of “Hydroxyethylcellulose” still remains unknown. A poll discovered that CSU’s favourite word of the year was “Doorbell” as it supposedly sounded similar to ‘hippopotamus’. As noted in the Daily Advertiser this week, Sam was sued for $627.74 for using “Teflon®” as a word without seeking permission first. He has 47 cents remaining in his bank account.
Hence, Sam’s Words of the Week were thus: Haberdashery, Pigeonhole, Trousers, Casserole, Liquid, Cellophane, Walrus, Orchid, Squelch, Gargle, Chalk, Fox, Crumpet, Oblong, Myth, Vegetable Pastie, Doorbell, Swoop, Frock, Chew, Hydroxyethylcellulose, Begrudgingly, Handbag, Teflon®, Turnip Chips® and Meetcrol. Sam would like to thank everyone who made Sam’s Word of the Week possible: his mum, the readers, the hecklers, Ray Martin, Anthony Callea, and of course the funniest food in the world – Turnip Chips®

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Sam's Word of the Week - Monday 31st October, 2005

Turnip Chips® (n)

The food item that inspired Charles Sturt University throughout 2005. Invented by Vincent Price in 1965, the Turnip Chip® is now celebrating its 40th year of causing nausea among the elderly. In the 1970s, hippies worldwide began to turn to smoking Turnip Chips® as a legal alternative to marijuana. Police responded to this action by offering uncooperative hippies free un-smokeable vegetable pasties, which sparked the great Turnip Chip® riot of 1978. In the 80s the Turnip Chip® became the greatest fashion accessory since sliced bread to add to one’s mullet and leather pants. However, after all these good times, it was in the 1990s that the dark side of Turnip Chips® began to emerge. The biggest epidemic since polio began to sweep America – Turnip Disease. Cities, dumps, and associated species of rabbit were wiped out and all turnips were in turn eradicated worldwide. The resurgence of Turnip Chips® as part of McDonald’s New Taste menu in 2001 made Australians queasy with excitement at the infamous food’s return. In recent months rumours have spread stating that the vaccination to Birdflu is in fact Turnip Chips® - however sceptics believe it to be methylated spirit biscuits. Last week Sam bought the rights to Turnip Chips® and this week has declared Turnip Chips® as the greatest running gag of 2005.