Sam's Word of the Week - Monday 6th June, 2005

Crumpet (n)

A variety of bread, most famous for growing on crumpet vines worldwide. Normally spread on crumpets is honey, strawberry jam or blended lettuce. Just last week, nine-year-old Mark Fox was admitted to hospital after attempting to eat a trumpet with honey, having confused it for a crumpet. He gained a broken jaw from the experience, as well as a good smacking from his parents. Health regulations nationwide advise against eating crumpets with melted, hot turnip chips, as the combination will cause death.

Sam's Word of the Week - Monday 30th May, 2005

Fox (n)

Related to the dog, these animals are extremely unpopular, known to wreak havoc around farms and neighbourhood shopping centres. Just last week foxes ranked sixteenth on Who Weekly’s list of “The World’s Most Annoying Pests”, behind flies, cockroaches and Ray Martin. Controversy has surrounded the children’s classic “Fox in Socks” by Dr Seuss, recently taken out of the children’s section in bookstores worldwide, due to concerned parents questioning if the fox was wearing anything else. Foxes cunningly use turnip chips as bait to attract sheep, before pouncing and eating the sheep themselves.

Sam's Word of the Week - Monday 23rd May, 2005

Chalk (n)

A piece of soft, porous, coloured material. This item is mostly used to write on such items as blackboards. Chalk is grown on chalk trees by farmers all over the world, and alongside water, is quickly becoming one of the world’s most precious resources. Teachers are the biggest users of chalk, but a recent trend shows that they are shifting towards using the enemy – the whiteboard marker. With the recent release of the new Star Wars film, the new craze sweeping schoolyards nationwide are chalk sabres. Sadly, this is resulting in the new condition known to hospitals as “chalky eye”. Chalk is easily snapped; which causes the fingernails to scrape the blackboard, producing that awful screeching sound that everybody loves. Germany is world-famous for its annual chalk-eating contest, in which Hans Bleicher gained a world record for consuming 363 sticks of chalk in an hour. He died sixteen minutes later. Recent university studies have discovered that chalk and turnip chips taste extremely similar, so much so that identifying between the two tastes blindfolded is near impossible.

Sam's Word of the Week - Monday 16th May, 2005

Gargle (v)

The art of tilting the head back, holding a liquid towards the back of the mouth and breathing air through the liquid to create a sound similar to “urrghlhhrlughlhurgghh”. This sound is often used to make those penguin impressions that so attract the ladies, not to mention the other penguins. Olympic swimmers, shooters and ping-pongers are infamous for gargling for at least fourteen minutes straight as a warm-up routine before their respective events. A rapid increase in gargling has occurred recently in Australia due to a number of All Bran eaters realising after they had eaten their cereal, that there was an image of Derryn Hinch on the front of the cereal box. These people have also become world record holders, travelling at the speed of sound to try and get as close to a nearby sink as quickly as possible. Recent studies have discovered the average human would need to gargle something as strong as paint to get rid of the aftertaste of the turnip chip.

Sam's Word of the Week - Monday 9th May, 2005

Squelch (v)

The sound produced from treading in thick mud, a bucket of slime, or a pile of slugs. Lesser-known causes for this sound include dropping a walrus into a lake from a great height, diving headfirst into a small bowl of jelly, using a Care Bear as a toilet plunger, and also the hair product as it is put through Ian Thorpe’s new, “fashionable” mullet on Logies night. According to recent university studies, this sound is best created when sitting on large quantities of soggy turnip chips.

Sam's Word of the Week - Monday 2nd May, 2005

Orchid (n)

A tropical plant of great popularity among those over 65 who have no pressing assignments and plenty of time to potter around in the garden. The flowers of these plants are noted for their exotic beauty, a centrepiece of rich smells and splendour, much like ladies hats on Melbourne Cup Day. The flowers range in colour from purple to pink, and according to the White Stripes new single, even blue. They are inedible and have been known to cause nausea, a trait they share with the humble turnip chip.

Sam's Word of the Week - Monday 25th April, 2005

Walrus (n)

A large marine mammal, scientifically known as Odobenus rosmarus, of Arctic regions. They are related to seals and have two long, often yellow tusks, tough wrinkled skin, and four flippers. The Walrus is an animal of great reference by rock group the Beatles. The song “I am the Walrus” allowed this loveable mammal to gain some recognition worldwide. Walruses enjoy sleeping, sun baking, swimming and eating turnip chips.

Sam's Word of the Week - Monday 18th April, 2005

Cellophane (n)

A thin, flexible, transparent cellulose material made from viscose and used as a moisture proof wrapping for such goods as lollies, flowers and turnip chips. Invented by Jacques E. Brandenberger in 1908, the creation has long since been infamous for use in wrapping bad presents, turning them from trashy into flashy.

Update

Just to let you all know, I will be updating this website regularly each week with new words. Please feel free to comment on the words, and also I issue you all a challenge to use the words as often as you can in everyday life - and you can even write these quotes as comments here. Enjoy!

A taste of things to come...

Ladies and Gentlemen,

Grip yourselves for something great... the craze that is sweeping the nation (and soon to be world), is readily available for view from the comfort of your home computer desk, or associated place of internet-connectedness.

The so called "fad" that I describe is Sam's Word of the Week. What began from humble beginnings has become popular, and has been seen in such publications as Charles Sturt University's "Hungappa" student magazine. The word needs to be spread to a wider audience, and I believe a blog will reach that. Being slightly technologically challenged, I have been assured that these "blog" things are the way of the future, so hopefully I will cope with it.

Sam's Word of the Week is currently on hiatus until term returns on Monday the 18th April 2005. You will then be able to view each new word of the week here every Monday morning (AEST). Here you can also reflect on each week's word, give reviews and share how you will use, (and have used), each week's word in everyday life.

Until the 18th - be sure to save this site saved in your list of "favourites", and get excited about the many random words ahead.