Frock (n)
A great type of apparel that is apparently coming back into fashion, especially in nursing homes across Australia. Harold Frock invented the frock in the late sixteenth century, after he decided that females should no longer wear pantaloons. Much rioting occurred as a result of this bold discriminating statement, and many women were seen marching down Harold’s street waving burning frocks in protest. Later that night Harold was murdered. Fifty years later after the ice age finished, the frock was rediscovered and became loved by all. The world’s first amusement park, Frockville, was opened and included such rides as the ‘Frockinator’, ‘Freaky Frock’ and ‘I Can’t Believe It’s Not Frock!’ The park received great business until a rival park named Disneyland opened, whose anti-frock policy forced Frockville to close. In protest, celebrities grouped together to record the number one smash single ‘Frock the World’. More recently, stylish tartan frocks have been selling through the roof, making for the perfect clothing item to wear to lectures, work or 21st parties. Frocks have recently been installed with magnetic powers so that many an item can be ‘fashionably’ attached, including saucepans, spoons, bobby pins and leftover crumbs of turnip chips.
Tuesday, August 30, 2005
Sunday, August 28, 2005
Sam's Word of the Week - Monday 22nd August, 2005
Swoop (v)
A certain movement mostly committed by angry magpies when a cyclist gets close by, or at least within a five-kilometre radius. The word derives from ancient times, when guillotines were created with the very gimmicky “bonus swooping action”. This element backfired when everyone in the room lost their heads due to the unpredictability of the swooping. In one of his concerts, Ozzy Osbourne infamously bit the head off a swooping seagull, which had become dazed and confused from trying to find the SCG all day. Birds have been long known for swooping to eat turnip chips, only to explode into smithereens moments later due to their poor digestive systems.
A certain movement mostly committed by angry magpies when a cyclist gets close by, or at least within a five-kilometre radius. The word derives from ancient times, when guillotines were created with the very gimmicky “bonus swooping action”. This element backfired when everyone in the room lost their heads due to the unpredictability of the swooping. In one of his concerts, Ozzy Osbourne infamously bit the head off a swooping seagull, which had become dazed and confused from trying to find the SCG all day. Birds have been long known for swooping to eat turnip chips, only to explode into smithereens moments later due to their poor digestive systems.
Saturday, August 20, 2005
Sam's Word of the Week - Monday 15th August, 2005
Doorbell (n)
The bell of one’s door. The doorbell’s creation changed the world forever. Before they existed, residents used to employ doormen to sit by their door and look out for visitors, before setting off an air horn to alert residents on their arrival. Unfortunately, this air horn aggravated every dog within a five-kilometre radius, which then proceeded to savagely chew the doormen. Today, doorbells make for great prank material, especially when given the fact that some doorbells play long, annoying melodies, and therefore annoy the self-inflicted victim for lengthy amounts of time. The newly released “Axel F Crazy Frog” doorbell has caused residents to jump out closed windows, set fire to furniture, drink barbeque sauce, squeeze lemons into their eyes, and eat turnip chips to cope with the irritation.
The bell of one’s door. The doorbell’s creation changed the world forever. Before they existed, residents used to employ doormen to sit by their door and look out for visitors, before setting off an air horn to alert residents on their arrival. Unfortunately, this air horn aggravated every dog within a five-kilometre radius, which then proceeded to savagely chew the doormen. Today, doorbells make for great prank material, especially when given the fact that some doorbells play long, annoying melodies, and therefore annoy the self-inflicted victim for lengthy amounts of time. The newly released “Axel F Crazy Frog” doorbell has caused residents to jump out closed windows, set fire to furniture, drink barbeque sauce, squeeze lemons into their eyes, and eat turnip chips to cope with the irritation.
Monday, August 08, 2005
Sam's Word of the Week - Monday 8th August, 2005
Vegetable Pastie (n)
A pastry filled with vegetables. One of the oldest forms of food around, herbivore and carnivore dinosaurs ate these as the perfect afternoon snack after a long day at the office. Many years later, uni students purchase vegetable pasties today, when there are no pies left. Rumours surrounding Bob Carr’s recent resignation suggest he left to start a new life promoting vegetable pasties. Good for him. In 2001, McDonalds added the ‘turnip chip vegetable pastie’ to its new taste menu. Due to the amount of repulsion and sickness caused from the new taste, the multi-billion dollar company nearly went into bankruptcy.
A pastry filled with vegetables. One of the oldest forms of food around, herbivore and carnivore dinosaurs ate these as the perfect afternoon snack after a long day at the office. Many years later, uni students purchase vegetable pasties today, when there are no pies left. Rumours surrounding Bob Carr’s recent resignation suggest he left to start a new life promoting vegetable pasties. Good for him. In 2001, McDonalds added the ‘turnip chip vegetable pastie’ to its new taste menu. Due to the amount of repulsion and sickness caused from the new taste, the multi-billion dollar company nearly went into bankruptcy.
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
Sam's Word of the Week - Monday 1st August, 2005
Myth (n)
In this, a special edition of Sam’s Word of the Week, we will delve into some of the myths about the history of Rivcoll over time. Please note that many of the following are conspiracies, and may or may not be fact.
Firstly, located in the pond on campus (when it is full) is a dinosaur, named Ethel. Ethel is a hungry, hard of hearing, and the campus’ oldest resident. There have been many a reported sighting of Ethel (mostly by hallucinating students), and she is believed to be the second cousin of the Loch Ness monster. The implementation of the sculpture in the centre of the pond caused usually calm Ethel to rebel, consuming hundreds of students and several lecturers. To ensure this incident doesn’t occur again, Rivcoll staff regularly throw buckets of vegetable pasties into the pond for Ethel to eat, or a duck to choke on.
Many famous visitors and bands have dropped by the Crow Bar, many brought by Rivcoll. George W. Bush invited himself in early April 2004, hoping to find some weapons of mass destruction. All he found was some tipsy students and an empty packet of skittles. Elvis Presley performed at the uni in the late 1990s, proving the fact that he is still alive, while bringing worldwide media, astonished fans, and attention to the uni. The Cookie Monster dropped by in 1990 on a promotional tour, consuming every biscuit on campus, before being eaten himself by rabid wolves.
Rivcoll has supplied the ever-popular Hungappa publication to students weekly. Past regular articles have included “Why I hate Ray Martin in 2500 words or less”, “Cooking with the Not-Chef” and “Darryl’s Diseases”, which caused nausea among readers campus wide.
Following the highly demanded eradication of all turnip chips from the Nosh Pit, the infamous “turnip chip fire of 2001”, at the top of the hill, became one of Charles Sturt University’s finest moments.
In this, a special edition of Sam’s Word of the Week, we will delve into some of the myths about the history of Rivcoll over time. Please note that many of the following are conspiracies, and may or may not be fact.
Firstly, located in the pond on campus (when it is full) is a dinosaur, named Ethel. Ethel is a hungry, hard of hearing, and the campus’ oldest resident. There have been many a reported sighting of Ethel (mostly by hallucinating students), and she is believed to be the second cousin of the Loch Ness monster. The implementation of the sculpture in the centre of the pond caused usually calm Ethel to rebel, consuming hundreds of students and several lecturers. To ensure this incident doesn’t occur again, Rivcoll staff regularly throw buckets of vegetable pasties into the pond for Ethel to eat, or a duck to choke on.
Many famous visitors and bands have dropped by the Crow Bar, many brought by Rivcoll. George W. Bush invited himself in early April 2004, hoping to find some weapons of mass destruction. All he found was some tipsy students and an empty packet of skittles. Elvis Presley performed at the uni in the late 1990s, proving the fact that he is still alive, while bringing worldwide media, astonished fans, and attention to the uni. The Cookie Monster dropped by in 1990 on a promotional tour, consuming every biscuit on campus, before being eaten himself by rabid wolves.
Rivcoll has supplied the ever-popular Hungappa publication to students weekly. Past regular articles have included “Why I hate Ray Martin in 2500 words or less”, “Cooking with the Not-Chef” and “Darryl’s Diseases”, which caused nausea among readers campus wide.
Following the highly demanded eradication of all turnip chips from the Nosh Pit, the infamous “turnip chip fire of 2001”, at the top of the hill, became one of Charles Sturt University’s finest moments.
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