Marmoset (n)

A tiny monkey, about the size of a fork, overgrown finger, or twenty centimetre ruler. Due to the size of the marmoset’s body, their brains are quite small and not all that brilliant. One prime example of their low brain capacity, is when marmosets often mistake their staple diet of insects for animal droppings but are still unable to tell the difference in taste. In 1997, Sydney resident Emma Turner returned from a holiday in South America and unknowingly brought back a marmoset in her luggage. Managing to make it through customs, she discovered the animal upon unpacking at home, and due to her bad eyesight thought her cat Whiskers must have had a kitten while she was away. Unfortunately Whiskers found and devoured the marmoset, and in turn died from jungle fever. A small community television station in South America recently launched a reality series named “Marmoset’s Got Talent” in which marmosets would perform tricks (such as leaping through flaming hoops, or drinking milk and squirting it out their nose) in order to win money. Unfortunately due to the animal’s small brain capacity, the majority of the marmosets ended up racing off stage and pulling out the audiences’ hairs. This created a ratings smash that even Ben Elton would be envious of.  The biggest cause of death to marmosets is being sat on by larger animals. The second is turnip chips, which explode when mixed with the marmoset’s stomach acid.