Having the properties of a fungus, or some other rather sickening growth. Charles Sturt University is well renowned for fungus. In 1989, a group of uni students living in Nappy Alley pushed for the Alley’s title to be renamed Fungus Grove, due to the colourful patterns of mould spreading on the sides of some of the houses. One night during exam weeks, as described by urban myth, a crazed uni student out of coffee and groceries went on a wild romp licking all the mould off the buildings. Various sightings, including from security, testify this as truth. A small Chilean town known as Funghetti is the world’s first ‘Tinea Town’. This means that everyone in the town must have tinea as a requirement of residency. The community gathers weekly for games of barefoot soccer, tae kwon doe and footsies. Oh, and communal foot massages are always a favourite. A popular type of fungus is mould, which is a rather good friend to old sandwiches. Sam once read about a ham sandwich left alone for three years. The mould grew so much that it turned into a monster, consuming the residents of the house at the time. The sandwich is now safely locked away under maximum security, but is due for parole in two years time. Bumbling ‘Dancing With the Stars’ host Daryl Somers recently admitted to various tabloid magazines that he has a private fungus collection at home, which he grows to fill in the void between Tuesdays. He keeps them in trophy cabinets, all with pet names, and he chooses a new favourite each week to accompany him around the house in his shirt pocket. He also sings it to sleep, reciting songs off his latest woeful album. Daryl, the fungus has feelings too. The entire universe was shaken last week with the disturbing news that turnip chips are 99% fungus, and 1% turnip. No exaggeration whatsoever.
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