Log (n)

A felled tree. Young Chris Baker, 14, from Perth last week decided to thwart Jessica Watson’s around-the-world sailing effort by setting sail on the world’s first sailing logboat. Chris uncovered a telegraph pole in the bushes by the beach and rolled it down the hill to the water’s edge (unfortunately crushing two badgers along the way). He then got his Uncle Bruno (a dry cleaner) to hitch some freshly-pressed shirts on a rope before setting sail. Chris made it two metres before getting bored, going home and playing Wii. Masterchef was embroiled in controversy at the weekend when a contestant included bark chips in their apple log. How awkward. Logs were originally intended to be the place for one to reflect: placing elbow on knee, and fist under chin. It isn’t as easy to sit on blogs. Many famous inventors were struck by creative ideas whilst seated on logs. Newly knighted Mark Sham invented his Sham Wow when he found that his rear end kept getting damp whenever he would sit on his favourite log. Unfortunately the ShamWow he invented to solve the problem sucked all moisture out of the forest, creating a desert. Addicts of turnip chips, Trolls tend to hide the salty food inside logs for safekeeping. Little do they realise that turnip chips disintegrate into poison after ten minutes, causing the consumer to explode after eating.